So there I was, no name to go on (including my own), no support of lawyers or adoption agencies and bad information of my relinquishment circumstances. When I began my search, I noticed there were a lot of Youngest of five siblings with a mother who died in their 30's from various complications of child birth. Strange huh? It seemed to be a generic lie. Why weren't their other Older siblings searching then? hmmm
Many registries and thousands of entries, hours spent and brick walls later, the lady who was also in search and I started talking a little more. It started of with us finding each other on boards, forums and registries. We disregarded any thoughts of a match because, I was looking for older siblings and the grave of my mother---and she was looking for her baby. We saved each other's email addresses only to write ---"maybe this is a match for you" or "look at this one" We were helping one another. Little things kept popping up though. Too many little things.
She was searching for Angela Marie (which happened to be my adopted mother's name) kind of funny. Finally one day, she emailed me and asked for my number, she said there were some things bothering her that kept bringing me to the front burner (there had been a reason we had the whole back burner thing afterall) We each had kept back a card. Something so no one could scam us. Something that no one could fake. There were so many "coincidences" already. We kept coming back to each other's entries and sometimes just staring, frightened to even think....What if?
We did the DNA testing. She's my Mom. I got medical info and history on my life before adoption. I wasn't from another planet lol I understood where so many things came from. She had kept in touch with Dad just for the sake of "the baby". Their's was a love story- by the way. Oh and she can write too I might add. She is a writer and an artist. She is awesome and so is he. I got to meet both of them. I have a baby half sister ( I love her) who told me that when she was a child, she too thought of me as "the baby" even though I was older.
I left out a lot--I spared you the many details ;-) But this is what started me to helping other's in search. This is what got me online for the first time in my life --learning from a lower than beginner level. I worked my 8 hours then stayed online both searching and learning the computer itself all night until I had those circled, crazed computer eyes. I taught me pretty good with the help of google and lurking in tech forums I must say lol
I used it as a personal space to share my own journey as well -which was pretty comical. When I was a child I'd always say what was acceptable of me. I am not interested, I don't need to look etc. I'd sort of feel out the waters I think. It wasn't until I was mother myself that I began to sort of ache. I'd sometimes look for my mother in the mirror. I'd dream of a mountain and see an image of someone that left me wondering. It helped me realize that yes, I wanted to know and yes, I cared. Mostly yes, it is OK to want what others take for granted. Heritage,history, birth right. I was prepared for anything-the worst ---I got the best instead. I could never have dreamed of better people to be my family.
I'm sharing this with quite a few groups (usually I limit my post sharing) but I felt that maybe this story could inspire someone or maybe the links could help birth family members in search of their loved ones separated by adoption. Perhaps a reminder that there is hope despite all the brick walls.
