Dreams of my Soil

I don't know if it's because my DNA kit is on it's way and I'm anxious or if it's the fact that no one is looking for me, but I went to bed thinking about a reoccurring dream I used to have about a house. It was familiar and I just thought of it as imaginary. I'd always end up looking around this house in sometimes a birds eye view. Couldn't be a memory as I don't think I used to fly or anything and I was certainly never that tall. But what if, just yet another what if, it was some kind of young child memory. Too young to find words perhaps. Perception of an infant? It was somehow familiar and didn't always end in tragedy. But it was always the same house, one that I can't clearly recall in my awakened state. I then thought of a post I made earlier about the soil not being mine. Based on the theory some people have about their birth place...their home. Never really having a home or sense of belonging. I made sure my children had a strong sense of family and closeness. I am my own family's roots. I'd like to discover something a little further back although it's not too likely. I pondered about Birth certificate's birth area codes that I just learned about. Each state has one. I don't have one on mine. Boston is the only place that doesn't have one. Could it be that I'm from there? Maybe things were amended in Upstate NY but would they ever admit if I were from another state or country? Seems more than likely I am not from Syracuse. Never felt at home there and maybe I need to approach this search  from a more natural gut instinctive place. Paperwork and Dates etc are not jiving. I fell asleep after my mind got dizzy from these circles. These lies and inaccuracies. I drifted off and I began dreaming.....


The house again...I was in charge of my dream of course, like I always am when I dream, I witness things and change what doesn't look right. I resist the urge to steer away from the truth. The Truth. Where is that? I look in my dream. The soil. I was hoping to find that soil that belonged to me. The familiar. But instead I found a path. One I broke away from (or was torn away from). A broken path. I wasn't sure to go back to where it started or run on ahead to see where it had left off. The bird's eye view was no longer there for me to see. But I learned something. I was a traveler and so were my people. I think I really did have people. I think we were on a journey. One that stopped short. I don't think I was meant to be held up. Unfortunately I was thrown off course and put somewhere I couldn't resume anything. Where I no longer even knew the purpose nor could learn it......I woke up enough to roll over and relieve the pain in my back and neck. Was I little gypsy child? Was I a hippy's baby? Was there a tragedy? Were we fleeing for our lives? Is that why my siblings are not looking for me? Did we represent more than what my infant self could comprehend? Did I spell out that much trouble for all involved?


I know when I emailed the agency that handled my adoption when they replied for me to go to hell basically they made it a point to send a copy of it to GUY WARNER director of VS in NY. Is mine but a flagged case? Did he need to be alerted that the pain in the ass ORPHAN is at it again? I'm at it again. I won't quit this time. I want to know my Birth Right. My heritage. I want to own my soil. I want to Know has now become I will know. I think I already do know. I think I'll dream again tonight. I'll know.


 http://nadacreationofchaos.tumblr.com/

Year for Reunions

I just love it when I hear of new birth family reunions. I just read a blog entry on intent.com of two sisters reuniting using adoption.com . At one point, I was looking for five siblings and a grave for my mother--father unknown. That was due to bogus information from my official nonidinfo from NY state. Instead, I found my birth mom, dad and a cool as can be sister. But thru my original search, however, I learned how difficult sibling searches can be. With bogus info, sealed records, and how DNA tests are with siblings--it can seem impossible. It's not impossible though. :-)

What's weird is when I began reading the post I automatically thought of my neighbor friend Suzy Z. as she was born in 65 and was adopted thru catholic charities. I wonder what ever happened to her. Married names on top of adopted names can make a search more difficult unless you throw out the concept of names and start looking into those gut feelings and "coincidences" --it worked for us. :-)

Have a good weekend.

Personal type update and zemanta link test.

Image by NyOkieSue via Flickr

I haven't written much else on Adoption/Birthfamily reunions since my earliest posts. My Birth mom is doing great and is working on her new site. She is an extremely talented author. Seems like an important part of my life began when I met her..again ;-) ( I was 36 years old). She is also a water color artist and creates beautiful images. We made her a great grandmother a few years ago!

Things are great with my birth Dad also. He is enjoying a nature filled life in Arizona and takes the most beautiful photos. He is retired and remains very active and healthy.

I'm using this zemanta thing for firefox in hopes of pulling some new links that I haven't already mentioned for Adoptees and birth-family reunions. Nothing to grand so far, but perhaps as time goes on zemanta will add more sites to link to. Also it would be nice if you could post more pics directly through there service like the one above. Of course there is nothing to stop you from using normal methods of posting.

I'm going to go thru old posts and see if I re-edit them if the zemanta can help with additional links. I see a lot of definition type links but we, of course, are after new adoption-Adoptee-Birth family- type information.

Happy Searching and Have the best of luck!

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Adoptees ISO Birthfamily

Image via Wikipedia

Hi everyone!


I thought I'd organize some of my tips for you in one spot as opposed to the little bits and pieces in my e-groups that I often leave :-)
Many things you may already know but I'm going to be careful not to assume any of those things here. Many of you may have just made the decision to search. Usually you will find that most people in search of birth family are more than happy to help each other as they find possible matches for others along their own journeys. It's exciting when we that are involved in our own search find a match for someone else from another registry!



Preparing


When you are thinking of finding information on your birth facts:

Always keep in mind your expectations. What do want out of reunion? Do you actually want a reunion or do you just want to know information such as medical info etc? Go through all the "what ifs". Are you prepared to handle any scenario? Are you willing to except less then perfect circumstances regarding your relinquishment?

You must keep in mind:
You're bmom was most likely just young and thought adoption was to your benefit, being told by many she was doing a "selfless act".

But there are other situations you must think of and be willing to accept.
The jail thing, the mental thing, death, drugs, rape, incest, black and grey market, and kidnapping to name a few. Also you may be related to your adopted parents by blood. Chances are these were not the circumstances behind your adoption, but it's good to ask yourself how you would handle these things.

For me, for example, the idea of my mother being a criminal and losing me, was a better idea than to think she was a famous politician that thought of her image. When I realized that it didn't really matter and that what I wanted was to just simply know--I began my search ready for anything.



Deciding



Always keep in mind a reunion may not be wanted by your birth family.
Also there could be painful memories and that is not your fault.
You may not even like any of them when you do meet them. They may not like you.
I've heard stories where they were a "bunch of mooches" that view you as some spoiled adoptee.



Once you go through all the possible negative things that are not that likely, you are ready to begin your search. I think your expectations are very important, yet I apologize for blabbering so long on that subject.


Beginning


Find out how supportive your adopted family will be in your search. You may find they are as eager as you are to learn of your birth family's traits and talents. Ask questions. Do you have a possible birth name to go on? Will social services help in your state? Were you records sealed? Obtain a "vault copy" of your amended birth certificate (it's the longest- most complete).
Get your non- identifying information from the state in which you were adopted. Read it and keep it. Make sure you register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry. They are key. Follow up and keep in touch with them. Make sure they have your current contact info at all times.


There are many registries and support groups on the internet for all members of the triad (birth families, adoptees, and adoptive families) Join them all. Keep your email current with them.


Beware of the following:


There are people very much against you for searching and will act as though they are assisting you while sabotaging your efforts. Not very many of them, but they are out there; believe it or not. That is why it's important to be in charge of your own search and accept the help of search angels. Search Angels are usually legit and volunteer their time while sometimes still in search of their own birthrights.



To protect yourself:



Post just certain info that is needed for a match. Always keep track of what you post. Hold some "cards" for when you truly think you've found a match. That would be some info that only a bmom would know and that you know for fact you have not posted anywheres. It may be a birthmark, heart murmur, some hospital info, birth time and weight etc.
Don't pay money for what you can do yourself. There are a lot of volunteers out there to help you.
There are also stalkers and weirdos out there. Share no more than you have to on boards and online registries.


Things to remember:



Non ID info can be bogus. Yes, signed and notarized, yet completely false. I had a man email me telling me that it was "a lie made up by frustrated searchers". I, in the end, was able to email him back telling him that after a DNA test with motherhood confirmation (with the mother that was supposedly dead) that the nonid info was a lie made up by people trying to get searchers to disregard truth. It makes me wonder how many people this man told that to that would have otherwise found their birth families. I urge you to keep the non id info as a tool, but NOT to limit yourself to it's info. If anything, when you find your birth family--you can all share a good laugh or cry about it!


So remember; your place, time, date and weight at birth can be wrong. You may not have a name to go on--and you may not know what member of your birth family you are looking for.



Also keep in mind, Your bmom may also have false info--so her post may read ISO another date, another gender, (yes true) and another place of birth. There will be some clues, so please do not rule out anything as a result of your non id info. You may want to consider people who are looking for someone a few days off from your "known" birth date. When a baby is placed in a young mom's arms who is in an unwed mother's home, they may very well say "this is your baby girl"---when in truth--well, she never changed the diaper--she also isn't really sure what day it is.


If a bunch of things sound right, but just a fact are two are off--maybe put them on a back burner for now--but please don't disregard them as a match. You may even have a sibling you didn't know of; also searching.

ISRR had found my mom but had to disregard; as my non id info stated that my mom was dead and I had four older siblings. It went so far as to say:

Birth mother regrettably passed away from streptococcal septicemia -origin unknown.
What a specific lie! lol

During my search, I've noticed a lot of Upstate New York adoptees dob 1960-1967 believing they have 4 older siblings yet no one looking for younger ones. Must be it is true of someone? Seems strange.

Also, I've often wondered in a case where there were children prior to or after the adoptee's birth--who would be old enough to remember who?


I had no name to go on and believed I was a child of a deceased mother who had me as a German, Methodist, factory worker at the age of 35, with no info on Bdad. My birth date was correct and I was relinquished in the same city of Syracuse that I was adopted in. My gender was also correct. In fact, my bmom and I were helping each other look for family members lol! We kept coming back to each others searches scratching our heads. We both had gut feelings.


I was relinquished when 3 days old, yet was adopted when pushing 3 years old. I never did figure out the first 3 years of my life. My birth mom had been assured I was in a great home. We were mutually searching for years and could have been matched up if only info was shared truthfully. My adopted parents were also supportive of a reunion.


My birth mom is a talented awesome woman that I am so happy to have found. She is like an angel. She is smart and artistic. I was the first baby and she and my Bdad (that I also found despite false info from the state) kept in contact for the sake of "the baby". How great is that! To think, I was German for 36 years, only to become Irish, Sicilian, and Italian!


My Motive


Point is, I want you all to have successful reunions with your b families or to at least have access to the truth of your origin --it's your birthright to know your heritage. I remember my first letter from the state telling me I have no right to that information. That needs to be changed.




My Opinion


I feel that facts are facts. You can lie cheat and steal, but it doesn't change them. I think that we as adoptees have the right just as anyone else to our birth records. Not knowing them doesn't change them. Sealed records protect; They protect liars, kidnappers, and crooks. When all members are of the triad are in mutual search, who of those people are the lies protecting? There are searchers who have died waiting for the courts to open records in hopes of medical info when the B family would have given anything to be able to help.



Urge everyone to
Support Open Records.



What we can do




Feel free to contact me and Please google adoption reunion registry. Aol member directory: search adoptees. There are also boards and forums. Clusty search engine seems to pull up some unique sites on Adoptee.

This was a vague outline of some tips. I will follow up with more specific links, ideas and strategies. In the meantime, Good luck in your searches and don't ever get discouraged. Look and re-look over some matches you may have ruled out before. It could be a foster sibling or someone other than who you thought you were seeking. Please help one another when you see something on one registry that looks a lot like someone another's been posting about.


Truth-Demand it.

Also know that I now reside in Tulsa for those living out of state who may need some local calls made or a trip to an office etc.

You can help others in the same way if you happen to live in a state they are searching. Sometimes just as much as a phone call can help towards a reunion.

:-)

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New blog for the Human race

Image by NyOkieSue via Flickr

This will still be my personal blog but I started a new one to include some other bloggers and their inspiration, information, advise what have you. The blog focuses more on self improvement, parenting, fitness, diet, gardening, camping--Everything to do with all of us--the human race and our quest for life, love and beauty.
Hope to see you there!

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How it all began.......

Image via Wikipedia

Well...............I got the refund and i had to make some decisions that i carefully wieghed out with the kids. And the winner is...........a home computer. Kids homework and research, and me---I'd search for my birthfamily. I had been to the library twice up until then but there wasnt enough time to learn how to use the computer alone much less do some effective searching. So we made the big purchase after studying eveything such as price and needs of this machine. This was in the year 2001 btw. I worked 8 hours a day and stole some time when the kids were asleep to get online. It was my quest......my journey ......my adventure. I learned enough to keep my computer virus and worm (and all those other new terms i learned) free. Of course I discovered chat somewheres along in there and boy did that first IM scare and excite me at the same time. I looked to the left and I looked to the right-------then i said "hi" and quickly hit send as though it would blow up the universe. I was hooked there for a little bit ( ha ha). I always had a little window open on the side while i searched from that point on. I met a LIAR from one of the chats. Imagine that? But we wont get into that right now (I met him for 5 minutes in a public parking lot- right before i became a big cloud of dust before his eyes- as i sped off) .....................................So there i was, cigs and coffee and black computer eyes from sleep deprivation . I searched hundreds of adoption registries with thousands of entries. I was armed only with my BOGUS non id info from the state of ny vital statistics and an amended birth certificate with the wrong time and weight on it. But something kept bringing me back to this one fellow searcher. But of course she was looking for a child and i was looking for siblings. (as were so many others born in ny around my time) And of course my birthmom was dead and 35 when she had me. In fact i was the youngest of five siblings. Wow i was just like my youngest daughter in order born==what a coincidence. Me and this woman tried to help each other ..thru millions of correspondence ( you tend to help many others in your own independant search as you sometimes see matches for others) we kept in touch. We had so much in common --------well of course we did. She is where i got alot of my traits from.............She is my birthmother . I was her first child. She was young when she had me. The only sibling i have was born years AFTER me. They werent counting on DNA back in the 60's when they denied everyone the birthright to their heritage. They claim the lies signed and notorized were to protect the people involved in the triad of adoption. But when its a mutual search with the support of the adoptive parents as well --with all adults involved------WHO IS IT PROTECTING? The state registry could have released a confirmation of mutual search and match but didnt. THE ONLY PEOPLE SEALED RECORDS supports are the people involved in lies, kidnapping, blackmarket, greymarket and/or other horrible things that are common with sealed records. Thru my search i had to see where peoples search posts were no more.......they died waiting for a confirmation of match due to needing blood relatives for transplants etc. Most cases the birthfamily was eagerly searching just as hard as they were ..........but were too late.........
My mom is totally awesome --so smart, intuitive, creative beyond belief, and caring. My lil sister has got to be the coolest sister that ever walked the face of the earth. I only wished we could have walked in the same places sooner. Everything happens for a reason though. I guess i'm the one who populated the family lol. I met my dad thru all of this ............there was a sweet love story there for him and my mom waaaaaaaaay back then. But they both moved on ---and kept in touch just in hopes of getting the news on "the baby" ;0)
I talked to dad twice on the phone as he told me about my aunts and uncles and medical history etc. He met a "great lady" and moved away and i never got those photos he promised nor did i ever hear from him again.

It took years to admit i wanted to know my birthheritage and a few more to start my search. But it only took 6 months on the internet to find them.................................... Gotta love this machine.

So back to this Blog thing......................I'll figure it out real soon--------

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