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Monday, March 07, 2005

Not a doctor........

I'm not a doctor, in fact, I don't even play one on TV. So I will spare you the medical reasons for and definitions of etc.; fever. Lets just say, fever is you having the ability to fry an egg on your forehead yet the sensation of being at the north pole naked with a frozen washcloth stuck to your ...ear. Today, after watching movies on the wall that weren't really there, for some unknown period of time, I decided to take my temperature. Shivering, wheezing, whining, and limping, I made it over to the desk where I found that thermometer. You know the one, THAT one. I love that ear thing. I finally get to use it for me. After all, I had to wait 4 years for the price to go down so I could be a proud owner of the earthingamabobberdoodler. So there it beeps........106. Ok redo.....There it reads.. 106? Great. So this is how its all going to end? My hair isn't even done. Ibuprofen is our friend by the way. I got real close to my friend. I got a lot of friends together (the couch being my main friend). There is no vicks in the house and there is no way I'm taking a dip in the arctic waters of the bath tub. So there I was, Improvising like I know to do, complete with noxema thick on mug, menthol alcohol all over everything that could stand it, doped up on daytime (store brand) and ibuprofen, hair looking like Kramer, eyedrops in eyes and nose spray in nose. I think I may have got a hold of some Q-tips, but I really couldn't think of what for. *Please note there were some other extreme things from HELL going on with me that someone may LIE to you and say is just NATURE, but I'm not going to elaborate. Lets just say I HATE each and every ONE of you and may your $%^& FALL OFF!!!.........But I'm not bitter........ Oops, typo. hm hmm.

Ok so now we have a visual and feel for what is going on, it's no longer "this", and "that" got dismissed a few degrees ago. I am now unquestionably, officially sick as a mf dog. Bowfreakingwow. I know what I must do at this point. I am in control --The Power is mine--the power does Not belong to this ...this...circumstance. I am going to carry on and take care of business.

10 minutes later?

I'm on the couch trying to sleep some of this off. My eyes pop open and I can't breath. I roll over after hacking and coughing like my tonsils are going into labor--and with all the speed of a herd of turtles---I spring to my feet looking ever so much in control (in a Phyllis Diller sort of way) and I take charge. Yes, I make the decision. I make the coffee. (Although it says in the bible that the man is supposed to make the coffee *Hebrews) I make some calls, having to explain at least 5 times who I am and why I sound like Sylvester Stallone. And of course, as you might have guessed, I of course did my hair. It was a slow process, but I did it. Can you say hypothermia? I hope so, cause I sure in the hell can't spell it. But I believe I lived it today---still not sure.

Ah, fever, it's such an adventure. I'm really not sure of anything else that took place today. I know my car almost got fixed. I know I got an online coupon for something that I ordered and ate. I know I can count high enough to pay some guy at the door with his hand out and a insulated box full of pizza. I vaguely remember handing someone something for grocery items. I wasn't involved in that quest---I wonder what I bought? Oh yes I remember several dozen trips to a little vault like room with dolphins wearing sunglasses. There were so many voices today. One can't make out each one of them however.

I so wanted to blog today, such a shame that I just can't find the words, the thoughts, the ideas. I'm at a loss for words. But good news, it's a new day--with new adventures--and I'm here for it. I made it. Sleep is going to be the enemy now. The fight begins. I will win. I will look like Don Knotts on crack, but I will win. The couch entices me as I stand strong and determined against sleep and all it's evils.

I truly thought yesterday was a blur while it was (I think) occurring, yet now I see clearly it was yet another wonderful learning experience in my ever so charming life. Amongst the many things I have learned, one of which, is that I can multi-task with the best of them. I now know that I can cough, sneeze up to 5x in a row, gush with the force of 20 red paint ball cannons (if there is such a thing), print coupons, clean the house and count money all at the same ever so foggy, time!

.........She turns, hangs her head, aqua trickling ever so lightly until she executes the snifflesave action with her well trained,now experienced, nostril, and hobbles away into the darkness.....for the sun is ready to rise, with it's unmerciful plan of blinding the crap out of her red, far-away looking, road-mapped eyes.........The curtain closes...........

1 comment:

CynicalPsychologist said...

Thank you for leaving a message. Its good to who I'm writing to/for. At first it was just me and an effort to get out of grief and depression. Now it has become a bit more fun and also I feel freer to express some of my darker feelings that I could not have posted 2-3 months ago. I think I may have to warn people when a scary haiku is coming along, though. Please do leave a comment as you pass through. Knowing my cyber-family is important to me. I am hoping you feel better than this post indicates. I don't want to lose a fellow blogger!
Peace, Doc