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Sunday, April 03, 2005

Good thing I'm not depressed

Well, after missing work again due to ungrateful asses whom I will never give birth to again, I at least got my OLDS to the shop again via a big fat rope. A neighbor pulled me to the shop and refused so much as a few dollars for his help. So many nice people in the world. I'm so grateful to meet yet another. I'm not sure my job is at this point secure but at least the car will be running soon to get another one(I'm praying I didn't lose this one). I really like this job and the people I work with. I'm kind of at the point where I want to give up (or I started to give up already). Hopefully, I'm not a day late and a dollar short with the job thing--but I must face the music and see--hopefully I will just be put on probation or something. I can't keep worrying though it's all but killing me. I'm worried that by the time my ducks are in row it will be too late. When things like this happen you can't blame someone for not believing you because you can't believe it yourself. 2005 in all honesty has sucked for the most part thus far. Come to find out I could have hitched a ride with the neighbor but we hadn't communicated until today. I must just take a deep breath and find out if I still have a job===scary as hell. The lady I was taking to work with me was going to tell the boss right away why I wasn't there with her but it somehow slipped her mind. I found this out after the workday was over. Great. Hopefully this was not maliciousness but what she said, an oversight. I don't quite get it however, as this would be the first thing I would have done when I arrived to work without my usual ride accompanying me. Between MothertheBitchNature and my bad luck with transportation and loyalty I'm kind of left feeling hopeless. Only kind of--cause my will is a tad stronger than that--only a tad. I am going to look beyond myself and circumstances and focus on others. I don't want to be as guilty as those I've fallen victim to lately---make that whom I allowed myself to fall victim to. After all it could be worse. I want it to be better therefore it shall be. It has to be. I'm wondering what time I will be awake today as I've stayed up too late after a long day of nothingness. I accomplished cleaning the house, getting the car to the garage, a trip to the dollar store and grocery store, cooking supper, and making peace with my eldest child. Lil one's friend spent the night and they both seemed to enjoy themselves. Yet another nice person to whom I'm grateful is Marie who took me to the stores. I have tomorrow off from work and I may spend it trying to secure my job lol. Again I'm trying to talk myself out of worrying but I know I messed up and may have to pay the price. Accept-move on. Shit. A puppy was dumped upon me as the culprits made a getaway. Needless to say the puppy has been dumping upon my carpet ever since and I am less than pleased. The puppy is the cutest lil poopin' thing I've seen. Why can't it be ugly and ferocious? It must leave before I give it any more toys or love. Sunny is jealous as hell. But I think Sunny is starting to enjoy it's company if for nothing more than to have something to attack. I guess what is bad is that cars came and went from here after dining, sleeping, playing games, viewing TV, etc. And no one in those cars even considered driving my fat ass to work. I was made to feel like a bag woman looking for a hand out for simply asking for a ride to work -offering gas money no less. These are people who have borrowed my car and not even put gas in on several occasions. No, I will not run them over when the OLDS is running. Repeat 10 x until convinced I say.
I am going to make the best of this and try not cry if I get fired or if I get to keep my job. No happy nor sad tears I will secrete Damn it. Well at least not in public. Life is an adventure--sometimes a scary one--sometimes one spent in the living room without any wheels.

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